


oh. there you are. the world.

by beepbedeep



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, izzie is in love with casey THE WHOLE TIME, let's be real, like super in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 11:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21475075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepbedeep/pseuds/beepbedeep
Summary: The first time she sees Casey – the girl everyone on her team has been talking about for the last month, the girl who is faster than all of them (so yeah, they aren’t really set up for success) – all she can think is NO, nonononono. Because Izzie is going to fall in love with this girl, and it’s going to suck.
Relationships: Casey Gardner/Izzie
Comments: 4
Kudos: 135





	oh. there you are. the world.

Unrequited love is a bitch. Izzie knows that, deep inside her bones. It’s why her mom’s a mess, in part. (the opioids also have something to do with it.) But Izzie’s getting out, out of this town, out of this life. She doesn’t have time to fall in love, especially with a probably-straight girl who’s happily in a relationship – a girl who also happens to be sweet and funny and so fast. She can’t waste her time like that. It won’t end well, for anybody. (of course, she’ll learn all those things, the million different reasons to fall completely in love with Casey Gardener, later.) 

The first time she sees Casey – the girl everyone on her team has been talking about for the last month, the girl who is faster than all of them (so yeah, they aren’t really set up for success) – all she can think is NO, _nonononono_. Because Izzie is going to fall in love with this girl, and it’s going to _suck_. Izzie has WAY too much other stuff going on to be helplessly in love with this new girl for the rest of the year. So, if she’s not all that nice, it’s only because she is trying to keep all her molecules contained, to keep them both from plunging into a useless mess. 

Here’s the thing, Izzie has pretty good first instincts and this is no exception. She and Casey are probably incompatible (except for the fact that they get along better than anyone Izzie’s ever met, that every minute she spends around Casey is amazing, that their initial rocky start ended within the week and even though she’d never admit it, Izzie may or may not run at dangerous speeds down Clayton’s busy halls in order to meet Casey between classes.)

Still, time passes and Izzie learns more and more reasons why she and Casey would never work out as anything (other than friends which they definitely are). The list she collects is long – they’re too different (yet she has never felt more understood than she does around Casey), they’re friends and it’s awesome and she would never, ever want to mess that up, Casey is way too good for her (Izzie’s life is messy. But Casey knows that. Casey knows more about her life than maybe anyone else and she’s still here and when Izzie’s trying to fall asleep at night sometimes she wonders if that means something) and then there’s Evan. Evan. He’s the real reason nothing’s ever going to happen and Izzie knows that.

It’s not that she hates herself, or thinks that she entirely lacks worth, but going off of every single other thing that’s happened over the course of her whole life . . . Izzie is not someone other people choose. Not over drugs, not over girls with more time and less responsibility, not over anything. And yeah, Casey’s been canceling a lot on Evan recently (which is silly, Izzie thinks, because at least he can stay awake during movies which means he’s better at movie nights, so why does Casey keep inviting her over instead)

But Izzie’s a good friend, and she’s happy for Casey. Really. Objectively, Evan is really nice, he loves Casey SO MUCH and she loves him, and Izzie would never want to get in the way of that. (until, of course, it all gets to be too much and Izzie can feel their relationship being damaged by the weight of their secrets and yeah, she wants Evan to be happy, but she’s not going to lose Casey when the solution could be as simple as just saying how she feels. She’s a good person and she does like Evan, she does understand, but not that much. She can’t lose Casey.) 

So, Izzie has her reasons. She has her whole list of very, very good reasons why this isn’t going to work out. The problem is, Casey is maybe Izzie’s favorite person ever, and she thinks the feeling might be mutual, so now she can’t leave. She can’t. They’re friends, and she’s not going to walk away, because maybe telling Casey “hey, I might be in love with you” is a bad option, but so is abandoning the best person to happen to her in _so long_. (Izzie doesn’t want to be alone anymore. Being with Casey is better in every possible way.) Basically, it’s TOO LATE, she can’t stay away from Casey.

Izzie’s not good at words already, and this is way harder than writing a research paper, but she needs to apologize. For being so terrible at the beginning. She feels awful about it, because sometimes she sucks, but she really doesn’t suck that much, and Casey didn’t deserve to be treated like that. (Casey deserves nothing but the best) Saying sorry doesn’t really fix anything, but she still wants to do it. She has to. She’s seen enough relationships marred by small injustices and deceit to just go on, never explaining the whys to Casey. 

She does. She tries to explain, and (somehow) Casey already knows everything she’s going to say. Afterwards, she doesn’t totally remember what happened. Something about, _running is it. it’s all I have (had) and I needed to be good, needed to be the fastest, and I’ve been alone, or empty for so long, I think I forgot how to be nice, just a little, and I wanted you to like me, I wanted to be cool, and my morning was the WORST, the baby wouldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t find anything to feed the kids and my mom wouldn’t wake up._ The excuses and reasons and words, so many words, spill out of her mouth and Casey watches, and listens, and nods at all the right times, and when Izzie finally stops, Casey doesn’t say anything, but instead she wraps Izzie in the biggest hug and Izzie wants to fight it, wants to say I don’t deserve this, but Casey’s so much taller that Izzie’s face is firmly buried in her collarbone anyway, so Izzie just relaxes and leans into the gentle smell of vanilla and shampoo.

Here’s what she doesn’t say. _I knew I would fall in love with you. Your gravitational pull is too strong to ignore, and you really don’t want me in your orbit. What if I ruin everything? Falling in love wouldn’t be good for either of us. You’re happy. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine because I care about you, and if I’m not? Well, we don’t really have another option. We’re fine. We’re fine, right? Being friends is enough. You’re in love with Evan, so it has to be._

She doesn’t say that. She can’t. But, as Izzie nestles a little closer to Casey, absorbing as much body heat as she can, Izzie is pretty sure that Casey already knows.


End file.
